Still hanging in there..

I'm still doing good, although I did have an emotional breakdown today (inside, not on the outside!) I got an offer to have an appt with the Dr 11 days early and Joey said no because of his schedule. I don't know why but for like 2 seconds, the thought of seeing the Dr 2 weeks earlier felt like such a ray of hope in my life. And then 2 seconds later it was dashed. It was stupid.. completely stupid... I wished it wouldn't have happened :-(

Also today I had a terrible realization. I realized that because we're having issues getting pregnant and I'm to the point where I am starting to assume it might be 2 years (At least) before we get pregnant (we're on month #20) I find myself feeling entitled to a certain amount of respect. Like if I finally do get my BFP (big fat positive) that I should somehow deserve more attention, or excitement. Or in the meantime I should deserve praise for what I've been through. It's a really terrible place to be, because I know I don't deserve a child anymore than the next person and I certainly am not interested in becoming prideful about something as horrible as infertility!! If I'm going to have pride, let it least be about something worth boasting over! I know this is something I seriously need to start praying about because this is a bad place to be and I don't want to feel entitled, or worthy or have any prideful thoughts when God finally does choose to bless us with a baby! (or in the meantime).

This is something I could definitely use prayer for.

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.