My sister... so unfair

*bear with me miss. I promise it's good :-)

Okay... my sister, Melissa is so unfair... let me tell you why.

First off, she's gorgeous. Yes?


Yes.

Second off, she's married to a man who doesn't think she hung the moon, he knows she hung it :-) He is seriously sickeningly in love with her. The other day I was at their house and she had JUST left, like moments before, and he was on the phone with her... he gets off and is like "gosh why is she SO DANG hot?".... um... sister in law and 4 babies in the room!

They've been married almost 10 years and are complete honeymooners... no matter who's around :-) They produce the cutest little kids... seriously.. they're gorgeous! If you haven't seen them check out her blog.

She's also so incredibly talented. She's a photographer (we have a business together) but I can never cease to be amazed! If you haven't seen her work check out our site.

Then when she decides to have a baby (or even when she doesn't always decide!) and she's pg in a heartbeat... and she looks FABULOUS through her pregnancy! Like she's carrying a tiny little basketball. She gains like 20 lbs (once I think 30!) and then within 6 months of having a baby, she looks like a rock star! Seriously after one of her kids she went to a size 4, which she hadn't been since high school!

She has the most amazing faith.. it's incredible. She spends so much time with God every day and her kids KNOW exactly what her faith means to her... they talk about Jesus all the time like it's the air they breath. She has very well mannered kids who are full of life and JOY and know how much they are loved!

So that's my sister.... sick isn't she :-)

But seriously, she's the BEST sister I could ask for.. she's a best friend and sister all in one... she has NEVER given up on me even though I'm 5 years younger and sometimes deserve it... she has never stopped supporting us and praying for us even when she probably should have! And she has so much love to give.. to everyone around her. Her heart is huge and full and she is the living image of JOY!

NO DOUBT God is looking down saying "this is my girl... and I've done good!"

oh and did I mention NO MORE PIO!!!!!!

We did 8 straight weeks of this shot in about a 2 inch segment of my butt so needless to say it's TIME to be done!!! I don't think my butt could have handled much more and just two days ago Joey said he was starting to hear the scar tissue tearing when he'd go in and out with the needle! :-0

So THANK GOD we're here at 10 weeks and thank GOD we're done with PIO :-)

10 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm here and it feels good!!!! My first Ob appt is on Thursday!! (I accidentally wrote it was last Thursday, but it's THIS Thursday at 10w2d). I can't wait!!

I will have to post a picture later as I left my camera out in the car and I'm way too lazy to go alllll the way out to get it :-) but stay tuned for a 10w belly pic! It's definitely growing and getting harder!

Holy mama! This is in the morning too and I swear I'm even suckin in a little bit!

And this is me last night! Holy cow that bloat really shows through my clothes in the evening!

Letting go of infertility...

How do you do this? Yes we're pregnant. But CLEARLY we're still infertile. We assume we will have to go through IVF again if we plan on getting pregnant again. And due to our horrible fertilization rates, I worry that if we don't get enough eggs another IVF cycle might not even work. I've even had some nightmares about my slightly high FSH level sky rocketing in the next few years and IVF being a waste of time.

Anyways, I digress.

So here I am happily 10weeks (tomorrow) pregnant and getting so close to the end of my first trimester it's amazing... but still feeling infertile at times.

Why is this?! Will I ever just feel normal again? Will I ever just feel like any other pregnant woman or mom? Or will I always remember that it took us so long and so many heartbreaks and so much fricken money to get here.. when others blink and it happens?

I have a friend who recently found out she's pregnant and she didn't tell me... I found out through the nest.. so I emailed her and she confessed she was pg. She said she felt guilty telling me because it happened easy for them (3rd cycle). She said she recognized that just because I'm pregnant doesn't take those hurts away. I thought it was really sweet that she cared so much, and while I am very excited for her.. she's right. Being pregnant doesn't equal being fertile.

When will this go away?

****ps I am not in anyway mad at this friend! :-)

I think the scale is wrong.

It says I haven't gained any weight... but I honestly don't know how that's possible when I eat 12 meals a day! Seriously here's my breakdown:

9:00am toast
10:30 a bigger breakfast
11:00 start thinking about lunch
11:30 each lunch
1:00 start thinking about lunch (as if I haven't already eaten it!)
2:00 eat a snack
2:30 wished I would have just had another lunch
3:00 start thinking about dinner, ususally just eat a snack
4:00 ok dinner #1
4:30 when is real dinner coming?
5:30 dinner #2
7:00 in bed wishing for more toast.

How in the world can I not have gained any weight!?! I guess I won't complain :-)

Moving day pictures

Joey looking awesome.

Eating pizza before unloading the truck


Wait.. we lost Tim!


Bridgit working and Jonny...uh.. sleeping?

Becca appalled at Jonny's behavior

Pictures from moving day

My SIL becca.... she's tired :-)

Joey's sister Jenny with our nephew Jackson. She loves babies! Won't she be an awesome auntie?!?!

My SIL Bridgit and Jackson (he LOVED the truck!)

Everything we own... Oy!

Twin sis Jen and Joe twin bro

Joey and Jackson

we'll see...

Baby Gender Predictor

9 weeks!

How can every week feel like such an accomplishment?! It's crazy how much I look forward to Tuesdays :-) But I think my m/s is pretty much gone. Nothing too crazy other than the occasion food aversion!

Our next appt is on Thursday and it's our first OB appt! It's with the midwife I use to see as my "ob" so I know her and she delivered two of my sisters babies so I'm very excited for that! I hope and pray we get to hear the heartbeat!!!

My poll

Wow I can't believe how many of you didn't vote for my favorite hobby! It's actually camping!! Christy did you guess that? I want to know who did :-)

Yes I love those other things, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE to camp! There's nothing like being away from everything and being surrounded by nature and it going from really hot during the day to really cool at night.. and the smell of campfires, don't even get me started :-)

It's bliss!!!

Now I should say my true favorite hobby is traveling but I didn't put that on there.. cuz I specifically wanted camping to be the answer and I include camping in that :-)

ugh... closing got pushed back

by 2 weeks!! We've been having some issues with the type of loan the lady purchasing our house is using and we're having to jump through all sorts of hoops to get everything to go through... so we found out today that MORE hoops have to be jumped through and now everything is getting pushed back... which is frustrating cuz we just moved out of our house yesterday when now we could have lived there for 2 more weeks. AND we weren't going to have to pay May's mortgage or association fee, or home equity loan payment, BUT now we have to pay all that because our closing will be into May. All extremely frustrating.

Anyways, we're just praying that all these hoops are worth it and the house is still able to sell but man this is a pain....

Moving day!

Well today is the day we move out of our house! :-( Not quite to Chicago yet, first we make a month long pit stop staying at my parents while all our stuff will be in my brother and SIL's garage (thank goodness for them!), but it's still a huge day cuz we've been in this house for four years and it honestly feels like just yesterday we moved in!

My bloat usually settles in around 3-5pm but lately it's starting earlier and earlier! Here I am at 10am in my regular clothes.

8w5d

Who is Purty Pat?

I know a lot of you don't "know" each other, but then many others do from the nest and the blog world.But many of you probably don't know who "Purty Pat" is.... so let me tell!!

Purty Pat is my Grandma!! :-) She is the CUTEST, COOLEST, FUNNIEST and most loving woman I know! I feel beyond blessed to be in her amazing family (as I know does all my family) and I LOVE that she's in the blog world!

Our joke in our family is "will the real Pat C***** please stand up?" (like the song..) So now it's "will the real Purty Pat please stand up"... haha...

My grams is so fun and hip and we all just adore her! Honestly does it get better than a grandma who blogs?

But in all seriousness, I don't think God created a more amazing family than mine (sorry if yours is just as good, but I doubt it's better! haha). My grandparents are two of the MOST amazing people I know! People often say how they can tell how much Joey and I are in love and I think to myself "you ain't seen nothing!" seriously, my grandparents are two of the cutest people I know. They've been married almost 60 years and they still hold hands and kiss and hug and sit close! I love it. They've provided a beautiful example of marriage that my parents have followed and I know all of us kids are trying to as well!


About this time last year my grandpa was having some major heart surgery done and even though he's so strong, he (and some others) were worried he wouldn't make it. My sister and I did a shoot with them and I wanted to share the clip! It's not long but TRUST ME it's worth watching! :-) And the loud but adorable laugh in the background is Melissa's (at the end during the bloopers) :-)

The Gparents


Oh and did I mention my grandparents have the best laughs? :-)

Who will give me a swift kick in the rear?

Cuz I need one! It's 3pm and I want to go to bed. Joey has a game tonight (coaching softball) and it's not very nice out so he told me not to come. So I have the whole evening to clean, pack, work etc... and what am I doing? NOTHING! I think I'm going to crawl into bed and watch TV... I'm tired and hungry and I just want to sleep.

BUT I NEED TO BE PACKING!

So I ask again.. who will come over and give me a kick in the rear? (and perhaps help me finish packing? haha.. just kidding)

Typing.

82 words

Speedtest

With zero words incorrect.

I LIKE going to bed at 8pm

Today my stylist was asking me how pregnancy is treating me. I told her I love it... I said yes I'm tired all the time but I LIKE going to bed so early! There have been times in the past I was so tired I would have loved 12 hours of sleep, but couldn't get my body to go to bed so early! So now I'm just resting up real good :-)

At first it was sort of an inconvenience, and now I just know not to make plans passed 7pm!

So I love being tired at night.... assuming I can get to my bed in time! :-)

feeling like a big fat fraud

Okay...so here's the thing.... I love that my body is changing and I can't wait for it to get bigger... but it feels weird and slightly wrong that this is how I look today! Please tell me someone else looked like this at 8 weeks pregnant with ONE baby! I don't care that I LOOK pregnant, I just feel like a fraud because I'm only 2 months along!!

And btw I am wearing maternity pants which makes a difference... why you might ask? Because they're SOOOO comfy and my cousin Mary borrowed them to me and I've been wearing them to caribou cuz my old black pants don't fit...

Again with the out of focus!! Where's my professional photographer when I need her? :-)

Eek 8 weeks!

It feels great to be here!! 8 weeks feels so real! A friend of mine who was 8 weeks yesterday said "It feels meaty! Like we're really getting pregnant now!" haha..... I'm sure so many who've been pg before laugh, but it feels amazing to be 2 months pregnant and getting closer to the end of my first tri!!!

This week I've been working at caribou starting at 5 and 6am so I'm so tired and fighting m/s in the morning. Well today I think I figured out how to beat it! I didn't shower! The shower drains me and makes me weak and then I start feeling pukey... I spent most of yesterday morning dry heaving before work... so today I just washed my hair and face and I felt so much better going to work! :-)

*A little out of focus, but you get the idea!

My cousin Mary brought over tons of cute maternity clothes and here I am sporting a top :-)

Just for funsies.....

Joey practicing being a daddy. Trigg 8 weeks.

Charlie looking drunkly

Jackson looking.... just cute :-)

Me the avid nail biter since I was born! I've only quit biting them twice in my life but look what pregnancy has done! Holy cow and I JUST filed them! They were NUBS I tell you NUBS before I got pg!!!

Just because this is the only time in my life I can post my belly :-) And I confess I love it! This was taken at 7w2d

Overwhelmed with emotions....

I got an email from someone I don't even know today. But her parents know my parents and through some 1000+ miles apart we came together to talk about our IF. I started crying when I read her email. I was so sad for her that her and her DH can't have a baby the good old fashioned way. The free way. The enjoyable way.

I feel so overwhelmed for her and all my other infertile friends. And all the friends I have yet to make. I know God is using my own IF in huge ways in my life and the lives of others.... but I know it's no where near done.

I sometimes imagine when we are making Dr money using our money to help so many couples around us.... those who like us didn't have the money to pay for IVF or adoption. And had amazing friends and family members step up and share their wealth with us. Some a lot and others less, but every bit was a huge blessing. I want to somehow use the money we will one day make to help so many people. Not just infertiles.... but that's where my heart is right now. So many girls that feel like they're dying inside each month as they go about their day smiling and attending baby showers... all the while wanting to crawl in a whole and die.

I was that girl, and I was blessed, by so many. My sister and my sister-in-laws and my mom (and you mary kay!) who have taken such good care of me, no matter how ridiculous I was or how hard it was to understand. To my family and friends who have prayed for us relentlessly. To those who have given us gifts of money, or encouragement or just a hug. We have received millions of blessings and I thank you all for that. And praise my God for taking care of us through this.

And I want to help others. I want to be used in other's lives like so many of you have been used in my life. I'm done being selfish in this walk, I want to be giving and selfless....I want to become a servant like so many of you have been in my life.

I pray God continues to use my blog as a source of encouragement even though I am now on the "other side".

LORD I am yours. I always have been. My life is yours and it always will be. This baby is from you. Every day is a miracle that ONLY could come from you. Help me to always remember this. I pray for all my friends out there and those I don't know that want nothing more than a child. I pray you reveal yourself to them and your great plan for them, help them to know you and your great love. And I pray you would bless them with a child. You are amazing and everyday I am more and more in awe of you.

4 weeks ago today.....

....I found out I was pregnant. I cannot believe that 4 weeks, 4 betas and 2 u/s have flown by!! I only hope the next 2 1/2 fly to my first OB appointment!

This whole last week I've been sick pretty much all day long. I have yet to throw up but I feel nauseous all the time, and tired and my back hurts, but at the end of everyday I still can't believe I've been blessed with another!

I know it's funny because 7 1/2 weeks along is hardly far along at all, but when I created a ticker that read 3w3d.... 7w3d felt like an eternity away!!

I still praise God every day for this baby and for each day we're blessed with.

All about the sex....

Don't worry, not sex with Joey! My grandma reads this blog! :-)

The sex of the baby....

YES we will find out (sorry to those who think we should wait!). I always assumed I'd want to wait, but if you didn't have to wait 30 months to get pregnant, you can't possibly understand how that would change. I have waited so long for this little baby, that something like waiting to find out the sex seems pointless to me at this point (for us!). And I want to enjoy every minute of this pregnancy and I want to have a room filled with pink or blue! So we're going to find out :-)

And YES we'll tell you what we're having.

HOWEVER...

We might not share names. We haven't decided. We might share some names, but if we chose a specific one, we might not share that. We haven't decided for sure but don't be disappointed because I've warned you!

And I think we're having a boy! From the moment they put the embryos in me (well two days later) I told Joey I thought they were boys! Now, it's weird cuz when I was picturing us in the houses in Chicago, I kept picturing a girl.... very weird. But who knows!

So that should answer many questions I been receiving!

Back from u/s!!!

Everything still looked perfect, it was so much fun seeing the baby's heartbeat again! I put a little video at the end but you can only see the beat at the very end of the clip cuz Joey had a bad exposure but it's good enough for us :-)

here's the clip

I have my first OB appointment in 3 weeks from tomorrow! I can't wait!!!

What do you think about this?

Again Joey?!?! His defense was that this time it was eaten with cold pizza... so it's better!

But even though I think it's disgusting, I certainly do love him! :-)

In other news I'm 7 weeks today!!! Hurray!! And morning sickness is here! It really hasn't been too bad but today I actually caught something else :-( I had a fever and was not feeling well all day today, I'm okay if I'm sitting or laying down, but standing up is a whole nother story! :-(

But today our baby is the size of a blueberry!! It's developing hands and feet, but they look like paddles! haha, what a funny sight. And it's 2x the size of last week!

Poor poor Joey.

So apparently I don't feed Joey anymore. I've been really tired at night and I haven't felt up to par in the last week or so... and I walked into the office to this below:

NOT even heated up, eaten straight out of the can and it is completely EMPTY!!! He doesn't think it's disgusting.. not at all!

Look how happy he looks!

Please vote to the right on your thoughts on his dinner....

I have a lumpy butt.

I swear the progesterone just sits in the spot it's being injected into.. my butt is SOOOO lumpy! Which adds to the soreness and yuckiness of the PIO shots! But I don't really know what to do about the lumps! If you did PIO did you have this problem?

I had a meltdown last night...

For the first time since we found out we were moving. I figured it was coming, it was just a matter of time.

I just felt overwhelmed yesterday with everything that lays ahead of us and all the emotions of leaving my family and friends and my house.. my life here! I know people move all the time but we have been in this house since basically we got married, we've been through a lot here and this is our state and we love being close to family. And I'm not going to lie, the 6 1/2 hour drive to and from Chicago this weekend was miserable. I was so tired and antsy and I got really bad headaches both ways. And Joey drove the whole time! I don't know how I'm going to do it by myself being pregnant. And I have to do it a lot this summer. :-(

I just lost it. Thankfully it was to my sister who was able to calm me down. And I don't really want Joey to see me be too sad about moving because he feels it's his fault, even though it's not! But I hate for him to feel that way.

I still feel sad today but I'm doing much better than yesterday.

"It will get better right?"

So I MUST preface this by saying Joey and I 100% LOVE my mother and sister and think the world of them. Also they will laugh at this story.

So Joey was noticing all my idiotness lately and he confidently said "well it will get better! after you have the baby". And I said to him fat chance of that! I said look at my sister (who is very bright but forgets a lot). To which he replied "well she must not have ever been as smart as you." I said not true, Melissa was VERY bright and on top of things before kids! Well after this he nervously asked.... "and your mom?"

haha!! Poor Joey is terrified of what he got himself into! I assure him my mother HAD to have been normal before having kids.... he was not excited to hear that! :-)

Please pray for my friend....

Cassandra

She lost her mom 8 years ago and now her dad is facing lung cancer. He quit smoking 25 years ago. She doesn't live in the same state as her dad but will be visiting him for a while. Please pray for her, her dad and whole family. Cancer is a horrible thing to happen to a family, let alone twice.

Please pray.

I love being pregnant.

I know I know I've barely just begun but I love it so far! Every morning I wake up and praise God for allowing us another healthy day of being pregnant. I know not much is happening so far, my body isn't that different and I don't have a lot of symptoms, but I have life IN ME!!! And I am very aware of that. I love this baby that I'm carrying more than I can understand and I can't wait for him/her to come out so we can meet them!

Thank you lord, for this child you've given me. For all the blessings we don't even deserve. Everyday I am pregnant is a miracle and a gift from you.

Ultrasound pics!

My sister was so wonderful and came and took pictures of our u/s today! Here's a slideshow :-)

click here

Praise God we have a heartbeat!!!

We had one tiny little baby with a beautiful little heartbeat fluttering... it was so amazing! I can't even describe to you the overjoy I feel in my heart!

"I would have despaired had I not believed in the goodness of the Lord" Psalm 27:13

Next u/s is one week from today!!

6w pictures

me 6weeks.

Joey 4w

Joey 6w

uh oh!!!