tic tok tic tok

I'm not even sure I spelled that right! But i'm waiting to leave for a wedding. I'm too alert to sleep, I'm too lazy to try to work (and I'll be working 9 hours tonight.. I figure don't need to do more) so I just am sitting here checking my email a hundred times an hour... waiting to leave for the wedding.

I wish Joey was here, better yet I wish he was going with me. I'm excited to have Sarah do it with me, but I'm a tiny bit nervous. I'm sure she is too.. but in the end I'm sure it'll all work out! But since I have to be in the car a total of 2 hours by myself, I wish he could be there to keep me company.

I don't know why I (sort of) talked the bride into having me there till 11:30, it's going to be a long night! It always seems like such a good idea at the time... dumb dumb dumb..

Oh well Hopefully at the end of the night I won't be so stinken miserable though since I paid so stinken much for these shoes that are suppose to be AMAZING. Let's hope Miss is right! =)

My mom is so funny, she wants me to go to a gynocologist about my being sad... hm... something about that just doesn't seem right. I know she loves this doctor, but I would think a pyscologist would be a better option. But what do I know?

WellI guess I don't have much else to say. Even my pup is bored, he's just laying on the floor asleep. I wish I could fall asleep here and there for five minutes. I'd probably feel more refreshed!

Well... back to watching the clock! =)

Why do I feel this way?

Lately I just feel so bad about myself.. my work.. my image.. my life.. everything. And the problem is one minute I'm on top of the world and the next I don't think I could feel lower.

I just lay in bed and think about how bad I feel about myself. I know it's unhealthy, I know it's unGodly.. I know it's selfish, especially with all the hurting people in this world.. but i just hurt inside.

I don't know how to make it go away. Poor Joey, he doesn't know what to do with me, and he's so tired and worn out I honestly don't think he has the energy anyway.

LORD, make me better, make me stronger. Make me love myself the way you intended me to. Hlep me to grow secure, not in my image, or the way I feel about myself but in my relationship with you. You are what will make me stronger... not the jeans that hide my fat, or the working out that will zip my wedding dress all the way up... stupid stupid stupid things... why do I put value in them? Teach me that you are the only way. Logically I know it, but my heart cries differently.