4 years

I realized last night as I was drifting off to sleep that even if we were to get pregnant this month (and I have stopped playing that game... too draining) but if we were, we would be married four years before having a baby. So from here on, we have moved into the next year of our marriage. I used to wonder if we'd be married two years when we had a baby, and then three, and now four. We are nine months away from our four year anniversary. I just pray we'll have a baby within that four years, and not have to move onto five or six years.

I don't know why this makes me sad. There's nothing wrong with being married four years before having a baby. In fact it makes us all the more sturdy and ready. But still. This wasn't how we planned it. And that makes it hard.