Today I let myself wander into dangerous territory... or at least before today what would have been considered dangerous... I let myself imagine being a MOMMY!!!!!
It was amazing and beautiful and encouraging and inspiring and breathtaking and I know all straight from God! He has brought me to this place where my desire for becoming a mommy has completely changed. I no longer care where my baby comes from, who it comes from, what color it is, if it shares my genes etc... I just want to be a mommy and make my wonderful husband a daddy!! In whatever way He chooses to allow that to happen!
I choked back tears today SO MANY times simply because I am in such awe of the journey we're embarking on!
Today everywhere I went, my head was filled with babies, and finally in a good way, not a sad way!!! I walked down my parents stairs to their basement and saw all their toys for the kids and felt God paint me a picture of my own baby laying there playing with them, with all the other kids in our family around. And I realized, this baby that will be born of another woman's womb, will become apart of our family, our heritage! Everything we have will become his/hers! This baby won't just be ours, it will be apart of our whole family!
Later I saw a mom pushing a stroller with a baby in it and for ONCE I got to imagine what that will be like for me to do that! I felt like I could see my own baby in that stroller! I even started looking at cribs online and measuring under the window in the nursery (gasp!) to see how tall the crib could be to still fit! It all feels so surreal!
It was a beautiful day filled with so many painted pictures. Pictures that I will cherish forever!
I just had to share :-)
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12 comments:
Rach, that is beautiful! I'm so excited you're so excited!
Oh Rach! That is such an amazing feeling isn't it!! It brought tears to my eyes to read that! You are such an amazing person! You will be an amazing mother!
God Bless!!!
Gave me chills...you're in a good place Rachel!!
God bless your journey, Rachel. I'll keep praying for you--God knows exactly what your family is going to look like--isn't that exciting?! He's giving you a glimpse of it, too--what a blessing!
Oh, Rachel, you are going to be the most ecstatic, wonderful, loving, and awesome mom! And Joey is going to be an unbelievable, loving, strong yet gentle daddy to that little one! That baby is going to be be one blessed little person.
One of the best things about adoption is knowing that it's not "if" you'll be a mommy, but "when!" Good luck as you begin your journey!
It's amazing how your whole perspective changes, isn't it? Not that you still wouldn't love and rejoice in a pregnancy, but that you are so incredibly focused on this whole completely different thing. And all of a sudden, you are EXPECTING, but just in a very different way from most people! I thank God for allowing us to jump on the adoption bandwagon so early on in our IF. It is truly like a new lease on life. Enjoy those special moments... they keep us going.
We've been gone for a while, so I'm playing catch up. I'm sorry you got bad news, but feel so good that you are moving on to a next step. This step is the one that will be a success. This is the one that will bring you the little one that is going to call you Mommy. Take care, and I hope Young Life camp was fun...our neighbor's son just got home from Lake Placid, NY, and had a blast!
You are!!! You are going to be a mom:) It is just so amazing how God works in our hearts and gives us just what we need. It is so amazingly freeing to KNOW you're on your way to your baby! :)
I'm so excited for you!!
I'm a lurker who has decided to start commenting. :-) I love your blog and reading your posts.
Sometimes I find myself in the weirdest places when it just hits me that I'm actually going to be a mom. Congratulations! I'm so happy for you.
Just checking back in. That's amazing Rachel! I'm so happy for you - don't even know you. I completely understand. Frank (my DH) and I are the same way. We see children in restaurants or at the beach and talk about / imagine our family. Adoption is such a miracle! I'm so excited to read about your journey.
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