What do I do with all this baby stuff? We have been preparing to bring a baby in our home and it shows... and now I can't bear to look at all of this stuff.... I know we should take everything down and box it up for our own sanity.. but I'm not sure I can bear to put everything away. It feels like we've experienced a death and yet I have nothing to hold onto. I never had a pregnancy, I never had a match... we had nothing. Just the hope that a baby was going to come into our home. And now that hope is dead.
I feel so cheated and ripped off... like a very cruel joke has been played on us. As if our hearts are being run over. Like waiting and hoping we'd get pregnant for the last two years wasn't hard enough, now to add a death of an adoption journey to the list. It's so unfair.
I'm just so sad. I don't understand where we're suppose to go from here.. I feel so torn, so limited. WHY IS IT SO HARD?!??????????!?!?!?!?!? It wasn't suppose to be like this.
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10 comments:
I am so sorry you are going through this. I have nothing more to offer than to say you are in my prayers.
We are praying.
It must be so horrible to have been started with an agency, only to find out the head was under investigation for fraud :(
There are other agencies, although I do not know how much this set you back financially.
Hugs and prayers.
I'm so sorry. You guys are always in my prayers.
Rachel,
I can only imagine how you are feeling. I know from watching my sister go through the domestic adoption process that it is difficult and heartwrenching. But your journey is NOT dead. Your journey has taken a turn; there was an unexpected detour but it is not dead.
You will be a mom. Your husband will be a dad. God has already chosen the perfect child for you. And when you hold the baby that God has ordained for you in your arms the entire journey will be worth it.
You need to hold onto hope. Hope that comes from the Lord and nowhere else. Our hope can't be in doctors or agencies or ourselves....only in the Lord.
"I lift my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord the Maker or heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip--he who watches over you will not slumber."
Psalm 121:1-3
Hang onto Jesus, girl. He has all the answers about where to go from here and what to do next.
You are in my prayers.
Amy
dancingwithinfertility.blogspot.com
I have recently started reading your blog but I have never offered a comment. After reading what happened I am so angry and sad. You are in my prayers.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this experience. It just sucks. Take as much time as you need to grieve.
I agree with amy who commented that this is an unexpected detour. You WILL be parents. God works in mysterious ways.
I enjoy reading your blog and following your journey. You and your husband are in my prayers.
My heart aches for you. GOD will bring good out of this. I don't know how. I do know HE is faithful. The one thing I know for sure is GOD is faithful. No matter how terrible things are GOD is faithful.
I'm so sorry about what happened and know you WILL be blessed with a baby, you 2 deserve it.
Hang onto your stuff, maybe just close the door.....there will be a little one to go along with all that stuff.
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