I know my beefs not with you...

Why is it so hard to have people around you get pregnant? As I sat in an OBGYN exam room for an hour and a half waiting for my Dr to come (got called to a delivery...perfect.) I knew there were TONS of women in the rooms around me that were celebrating their excitement over pregnancy. Meanwhile I sat in the room freezing cold, half naked and annoyed wishing I didn't have to explain to the nurse that while I was currently on no meds, starting in a few weeks I'd be on a box full of them.... and while I waited, I had time to think and read.

Someone wrote into Dr. Phil in the Oprah magazine asking about how not to push friends with kids and pregnancies away but without killing herself emotionally in the meantime. And good old Dr. Phil made her feel like a fool. She shouldn't feel this way, she wasn't helping anything, they aren't the problem yada yada yada.... no real advice in my opinion. But then he said something that struck me:

"If you took away all their children would you be more happy? no. So clearly they're not the problem".

But I decided I don't think he's right... not about people's children, but their pregnancies. If no one around me was pregnant, my infertility would still suck. Yes. But because I'm surrounded by people who get pregnant so easily, it makes it WORSE. I am aware it's NOT SUPPOSE to be that way, but that's how it is.

I know that my infertility is the thing I'm mad at, and not other people's pregnancies, but every pregnancy makes it worse, and harder, and suckier and makes me feel less hopeful.

And so to Dr. Phil I say "You're not infertile, don't pretend to know the right answers to things you know nothing about" (this truly has nothing to do with Dr. Phil, just mere coincidence.... I swear...)

As I count the months it has taken us to try and have a baby, and know we're still months away from achieving our goal (or sadly maybe even more), and then to have someone walk up and just "whoosh" one swing of the bat and they have the very goal I'm trying to desperately to obtain.. it sucks. Really bad. And it does make it worse. Would I be happy with my infertility if no one around me was pg? Nope, not one bit. But it might hurt less.

And that's just the way it is.