This is a phrase that could be followed by any number of things:
-make my bed
-pick up my clothes
-take a shower
-be a good leader in the ministry I do
-talk to people on the phone
-talk about 'this' to people on the phone
-talk about 'this' to people on the phone or in person
-put on a happy face when I can't
-cry, because it takes too much out of me
These things might seem ridiculous and I actually had several very good hours today, but I' m just deflated. We took a beating. An emotional beating that needs time to recover.
I know I will be able to move on with IVF full force at some point... but I don't know how long it will be until I can stop grieving what could have been. I don't think I realized how emotionally attached I was to the situation until it was so evident it was over. In a split second my life could have changed forever... in a way we were completely ready to embrace. And then in a split second it did change forever, in a way we hoped it wouldn't have to.
I'm tired. I don't feel myself. And I don't have the energy for a lot of things right now.
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7 comments:
(((hugs))) and prayers.
Kudos to letting yourself grieve, however that may show up (like not making the bed and so on).
Prayers
The Overbys
I'm so sorry you have to experience this pain yet again. I remember that feeling of grief and collapsing in prayer. I'm so glad that you have God in your life to guide you through this heartache. He is good. Trust in His plan for you.
((hugs))
It has been two years since our failed adoption. We have since adopted our daughter.
And I still miss the little girl who was "almost" our daughter.
I know her mom made the best and right decision for her. I don't doubt that. I've become friends with her mother, and I cherish that.
But I didn't want to do anything. I had no energy.
I understand.
While you were in the thick of it, you HAD to be ready, HAD to be emotionally stable. Now you can let your guard down and cry. And that's OK. All of this is so traumatic and its not a reflection on whether or not you are a good example for God or not. Allow yourself to just be for now.
Thinking of you.
Hey Rachel,
I know I've never even met you, but I find myself thinking about you often throughout the day. I'm praying for you, and even though I don't know always exactly what to pray for, I know God gets it. Thank you for putting yourself out here on your blog, I know it can't be easy. Hugs to you...
-Rachel
Do not do any of those things. Grieve and do whatever you need to do to help yourself heal. You deserve to take as much time as you need - and it might be awhile. I'm so glad you can vent here and let yourself just be. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Rachel. May God's peace touch you.
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