So we moved to a state with Mandated infertility coverage. So we had VERY high hopes that we would have IVF covered for us next time. Which would be amazing!
Well what we didn't remember was that Joey is working at a Catholic hospital that OF COURSE wouldn't cover IVF.
We both feel a little crushed. We spent $42,000 trying to have a baby the first time. So we literally have nothing. No savings, no home to build equity in and no plans to have money saved in the next few years. Really until Joey finishes residency we'll be living pay check to pay check.
I know we're pregnant right now and TRUST ME, we're completely enjoying this and cannot wait to meet our baby! But we want 4 (or more!) kids and we didn't want to have them 5 years apart.
We're both afraid to risk doing IVF out of pocket again with such low fertilization rates (got 20 eggs, 4 fertlized, 2 embies made it). And we def don't think we would qualify for shared risk again (almost didn't last time!). And so we could adopt, but that's just as expensive.
Anyways... these are things I hoped we wouldn't have to think about for a long time, but you can't help it when you get bad news. We're reminded of what it took to get us here and what it might take to get us here again....
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26 comments:
Hi Rachel, I thought IVF actualy had HIGH fertilization rates. Did the fertility dr. tell you rates were low. That is kind of scary though...that only 2 out of the 20 made it. I may be doing IVF in the future...I just thought if you are under 35, the rates were much higher :-/
I would cut off my right arm to be able to have one biological child in my lifetime. I'm surprised after all you have experienced that you take conception for granted. Please be thankful for what you have. Right now.
krzygrrl
WE had very low fert rates.. normally people get between 70-100% fertilized. We had 20%, so very low. I've only seen a few other people with a cycle like ours... it's pretty uncommon. I respond very well, but there's a problem with DH's sperm that doesn't allow them to fertilize an egg, even when ICSI'd. Now knowing that it makes going into again even scarier (what if we don't get 20 eggs next time?)
Laurid, I think your comment is WAY out of line. I am a million times greatful for this baby. We praise God EVERY DAY for allowing us to get pregnant and be on our road to parenthood. I think that is pretty obivous.
But we're still human and we both always wanted a big family. We're just feeling sad that something we can't afford to do again was so within reach, but for a simple reason now isn't possible.
I have every right to worry about next time. If and when you have a baby (whatever route you get there) you will experience the same thing, unless you truly only want one child.
Hey, Rachel.
I don't want to get your hopes TOO far up, but (I'm in IL as well) from what my HR dept told me, ALL employers in the state of IL are required to cover IF treatments. ( I don't think that a Catholic hospital gets a religious exemption-- the private Christian college I taught at did not)
Here's a link I found that might be helpful: http://www.fertilitylifelines.com/paying/insurance/statemandate.jsp
Ignore the negative comments. You're such a strong person and I pray that someday soon God will bless your household with a whole army of kids!
-Nickie
Rachel,
Sorry for the bad news. Hugs! I know this won't make it better, but perhaps God has a plan for making you and Joey's desire for a big family come true?!
I'm sorry Rachel, I had prayed that you moving to IL would bring you great relief and you would be able to expand your family without so much worry.
*hugs*
Laurid, I feel like my comment back was a little defensive. I was sharing my frustration about your comment to someone and how it was very hurtful to me and this is what I said. I thought I should just post it here:
I don't ever want to downplay the many many women that aren't able to have a baby. My heart aches for them and I wish so bad they could experience what I am, and I pray one day they will.
However just because I know what it's like to go through IF and I know that others might never get pg, doesn't mean I should have to limit my family to 1.
We might NEVER get pg again and yet we'd still have to spend tons of time and money on adoption. We just want babies, we don't care where they come from. But every which way is so expensive when you're infertile.
Don't count Him out yet! Remember, he turned water into wine, healed the lepers, & walked on water. Nothing's impossible! God's will, more children will come; when, how, and why is at His design.
Bless you!
Thank you Jenn for such a gentle reminder. I know God is Huge and I've seen him allow three of my good friends become pg when everything said they shouldn't have (naturally!)
I shouldn't worry, it's silly. I've just been having a bad day and needed to vent.
What a bummer. I worry about the same. We figured out that with IVF financing we'll be paying $300+ a month for SEVEN years for one cycle...I can't imagine paying for more than one IVF loan at once. But, we just have to take comfort in knowing that God will provide and He knows what He has in store for us. I'm still so happy that you've been blessed with the little one growing inside of you. Focus on that one, He'll take care of the rest!
Erin
Rachel, I don't think you were being too defensive in your response. I took her comment the same way you did.
I am Catholic and when DH & I were weighing our options between IVF and adoption, we went to our priest to discuss what the church is pro/con. He said that they don't disapprove of fertility treatments. The big thing is what they do with the leftover eggs that are harvested and any embryos that are not transferred. They just disapprove of those being destroyed. But if you froze them or donated them for adoption then it would not be against the Catholic religion.
Have you gone to them to ask if it is covered or not? Either way, God blessed you with this baby and he will bless you again. You and Joey are such faithful people that God will grant your hearts desires!!
Hey tooletime.
We planned to freeze and use all life we created. We ended up not having any.
But yes he asked and they said no. HOWEVER the might cover some of the u/s and b/w. We're not 100% sure yet.
Rachel you are allowed to feel this way. I have no IF coverage and will be payng out of pocket, I can not imagine paying out all that $ and have it not work. IF strips you of all HOPE and feeling sad that you may not have the funds to have another baby is OK.
Praying for you.
Rachel,
So sorry for the bad news. I can TOTALLY relate to your anxiety about this. Like you said, you've already spent $42k to have this one baby ... how are you ever supposed to afford a second and a third and so forth? And also, just to reiterate what was said in previous comments, you have every right to want as many kids as you can. You shouldn't have to go through this every time. It's totally unfair, and the fact that you're pregnant now doesn't change that one bit.
Sorry to hear you got sad news. Remember even in the darkest times, His ways are higher then our ways, and His thoughts are higher then our thoughts. God might just have some miracles in store for you!
Rachel,
I believe that once you have your first baby, things perk up and it will be easier for you to get pg the next time.
I can't remember what your health issues were, but if it is PCOS I know from personal experience that things start "working" better after the first successful pregnancy.
You will have the family that God intends for you to have. He has a plan!
GinnyBerry
Ginny, I don't have any fertility issues. We deal with sperm that won't penetrate or fertilize an egg well.
Miracles happen. We've seen that first hand with close friends. But we would assume we'd need IVF to get pg again.
I didn't even sound convincing when I said miracles happen. I'll try again.
Miracles happen! Praise God he's allowed three friends of our who "shouldn't" have gotten pg naturally to be blessed with miracle babies. We FULLY know this is a possibility. But that might also not be the road He has planned for us.
We're aware of that.
It's ridiculously expensive in the States, I feel for you...
perhaps its a closed door because God has something else plan for you.
I've been trying to look at things like that.
Rachel - You were speaking from your point of view, and I was speaking from mine. That’s what makes a conversation interesting. I felt bad for you when I read that you didn’t have IVF coverage. I have been very thankful that we didn’t have to pay for OOP expenses associated with our many failed treatments.
I think what goes unsaid at times though, is that IVF is not the sure-fire fix to infertility. In fact, more times than not (70% of the time for the 1st attempt), it does not work. Additionally, IVF pregnancies are considered high risk. So, when I read that you were worried about having four children, it seemed to be jumping way ahead on an uncertain path in a very presumptuous manner.
Still, you have every right to plan your family. I hope all of both of our dreams come true, and that in the process, we can educate and inform readers.
Laurid it didn't seem like a point a view, more an attack on me and not being grateful for my baby.
And we have no intentions of going through IVF to get pregnant 4 times. We figured we'd also expand our family through adoption and foster care. But if we had IVF coverage we would absoulutely try it again.
Of course it might not work again, but it worked the first time for us, so we "should" assume it could work again.
And if we believe God gave us the desire to have a large family, I have every right to presume He would provide it. Maybe just not in the conventional way we had origionally thought. So we're not jumping ahead in saying we want a large family. We're just being wise in knowing it might be hard to get there.
Your comment of "Miracles Happen" made me smile this morning. :) It's so true that we really do believe it, but sometimes we say it so much that we "forget" and downplay it! I love your gentle reminder to me that He does work in miraculous ways and with His own perfect design. Thanks Rachel and Jenn!!
P.S. I'm sorry that you got this bad news yesterday, I completely understand your disappointment! Here's hoping for a brighter day today with His clearer vision!! :)
*hugs* I think you guys have every right to want more children. I don't think that just because you have this one, you should be happy, or that wanting more makes you ungrateful for what you do have.
God's already at work on how you guys will have your family. It's all so scary to know what you hope for and to know all the things that stand in the way.
Wow, I've not read your blog for a little while and it's gotten all hot and heavy!!!!
Rachel...anyone who reads your blog KNOWS you are grateful and thrilled to be pregnant (and to have been able to 'afford' ivf in the first place).
I'm thinking how lucky we are here in Australia as ivf is 'cheap' compared to where you are. I just this morning went to our medicare office and got about $6500 refunded to us as it is partly covered here. I don't understand all the 'ins and outs' of the financing/covering the costs but to get some of the cost back was great.
Good luck :) maybe come down here?????????? ;)
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