It wasn't suppose to be this hard.

That's it. It wasn't! You're suppose to decide you're ready for a baby, do the deed and get pregnant. Plain and simple (sorry to be a bit vulgar!).

You're not suppose to wait and hope and pray and cry for 20 months and still have no sign of being pregnant. And the decisions!!! They're endless: financial, emotional, spiritual, physical (just to name a few)!

Last week Joey and I were on our way to cancelling our appt and moving towards adoption. And this week, we've decided to keep the appt. I honestly feel like we don't know what we're doing! I feel so frustrated, I pray and pray and I feel like God doesn't give me much. I see His work all around me, but lately it seems like I can't hear Him!!

And after the flu bug on Thursday/Friday I still feel icky in my stomache, and I don't know if it's truly from the bug, or if it's because I feel so uneasy about everything. I just wish Joey were home, I could use a good shoulder to cry on!

Speaking of Joey, in the last three weeks I have heard him say at least ten times that something made him sad (a new OB patient, seeing a pg woman, a baby etc) This is truly the first time through this process he's shown any kind of emotional involvment other than supporting me. It's hard knowing it makes him sad too, but it's so much better than feeling like I'm all alone in this! For that I praise God! I need to know that my husband is with me in this. And I finally do.