After I showered I sobbed and sobbed on Joey. I just feel so defeated. It's official, we can't do this on our own.
You'd think after 19, or 20 or 21 cycles I would know that, but apparently I needed just that many to let it sink in. I just feel so sad. There is no more beauty in "trying to make a baby". There is no more naivity in finding out we're pregnant. We are now reduced to cold exam tables and test tubes. I know if we get pregnant through IUI it will be a beautiful thing, I know that. But the process is not the same.
Joey and I were thinking about going to a surprise birthday party for my uncle tonight. But I can't do it. I'm just so sad. I can't face a bunch of people who are happy with their lives and their children and their pregnancies. I can't face them when I'm so sad about my lack of all those things.
Chinese has habitually been my sad food in the past. I don't think tonight will be much different.
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4 comments:
I so know what you mean. Crying with you tonight. Gorge yourself on that Chinese food, girl. *sigh* Praying for a miraculous month ahead for you.
I'm so sorry -- so sorry that I didn't know what to say on the phone, nor know what to say here. I'm disappointed with you tonight as I was hoping and believing this was the month for you too, but I will be praying, believing and hoping that August is your month now, even if it isn't the dream... So so sorry. I love you and Joey both, and wishing I could do more.
you don't know me, as I am a lurker. I hope you don't mind. But I just wanted to express how truly sorry I am for you. IUI's are not bad but it's not the way you want things to go or the way you feel they should go. I will pray for you that things work out.
Sorry. That sucks. Although your mention of chinese did make me crave it!!
Try to focus on staying positive and taking the next step.
Plus, you guys were never doing this on your own...God is the one in control. Keep trusting Him. His timing is perfect.
Amy
dancingwithinfertility.blogspot.com
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