I have not been sad once since we decided to adopt (3 weeks ago today). Which has been beautiful! Just beautiful.
Until today.
I suddenly realized that I am still sad that I might not carry a child, or that at least we might not conceive without spending loads of money and having another person (or two) in the room!
I suddenly realized that I feel bitter towards the girl who got pregnant on her honeymoon and is now complaining that she's sick.
I suddenly realized that until I know my baby, and have him/her in my arms. I might always feel this way.
I suddenly realized that even after I have my baby, I still might grieve this loss.
Today I feel sad. I wish I didn't, and I'm not exactly surprised. I knew it would happen. I just didn't know when.
It has happened today. I feel sad for the loss I am experiencing.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
Honestly? No. It's not the answer you want, but for me at least, it's the honest-to-goodness answer. No, the grief of infertility is never completely over. You learn to handle it (most of the time), you learn to cope, you learn the "techniques" for avoiding the triggers. But *sigh* it never fully goes away. I have friends who say their pain of infertility was even worse after they adopted. Of course they love their children and they wouldn't trade their children's adoptions for the world, but strangely, the further you get into this process, the more you realize that they are two very separate things.
And please remember it IS possible (likely, even) to feel happy and at peace with adopting, but feel sad and disappointed about infertility. I do believe that you have to have that time of grief for your IF before you move on to adopting so you don't just do it with the emotions of wanting a baby but you do it b/c you want to adopt, but that doesn't mean it's just all said and done with and you won't ever feel sad about it again. It would be great if it worked that way, wouldn't it? ;)
(((hugs))) to you today. I know these days suck. Let me know if you ever want to chat b/c I TOTALLY get what you're feeling today.
Big hugs. Really.
I know how you feel and we have successfully adopted.
I think you do continue to grieve this loss throughout your entire life, even though you have the joys and love of being a parent through adoption.
Grief has its way of popping its ugly head up when you least expect it.
Just know that God loves you and, though it is hard to fathom at times what He might be thinking, He has a plan. Remember Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."
Just wanted to send you some hugs and to let you know you aren't alone in feeling this way. (((hugs)))
So sorry you have to deal with this sweetie. There really is a grieving process when it comes to infertility (and it doesn't go away when you become pregnant or have adopted a child either). I hope you're able to feel through this pain in a positive way and that you have lots of support to get you through it. God will not forsake you...He is with you always.
I found your blog through The Nest (TTTC) and just wanted to comment that your grief is totally normal. My husband and I are allowing ourselves a few months to grieve our failed fertility treatments. The pain and loss is very real and I fully believe that it is important to allow yourselves these feelings or they will crop up elsewhere. We are researching international adoption while we allow some time to pass. I think being honest about your feelings is so important.
My best to you as you journey on.
Personally I think it's completely normal. It must be because there are several books (at least) written about the subject, so we can't possibly be alone! You my situation is somewhat different but I absolutely know what you're talking about. Remember my post about the "dream baby"? She's always going to be there in my dreams and nowhere else and that is always and forever going to be a sadness for our family. What you're feeling is normal and natural and (unfortunately) it won't be the last time that you feel this way. But you will find that it is a [ain separate from the joy you will feel as you anticipate your adoption. Big big hugs to you today!!!!!!
The process does take a long time. But you will have more and more long stretches where you're not sad, just happy. Especially when you finally hold the baby you know is meant for you. Don't beat yourself up, though, if even then you occasionally feel little twinges of sadness. When we were at the hospital when Lily was being born, I had little twinges of sadness that I hadn't carried this little girl who I already loved so much. It made me sad not to have shared that part of her life.
Sending hugs!! :)
Post a Comment