To start this post I will say this: I don't know who our Bmom is, where she is, what she is doing or why she is placing her baby. But I know this: I love her. From the bottom of my heart, I love her.
Now, onto why I have decided that I think adoption is like organ donating. When you recieve a new organ, you have to consider all the parties involved, like adoption.
If you're waiting desperately for a new heart, then in a sense you're waiting for someone else to die. I know it's not exactly like that, but you know that when you receive your complete happiness, someone else will be in their deepest despair.
And you can't completely celebrate your happiness without taking into consideration the sadness that another family is going through. It's bittersweet, for everyone.
This is how I view adoption.
There is a woman out there that knows she can't/shouldn't keep her baby. And so her baby will become ours. But if I left the situation without understanding (I use that term very lightly) and respecting the grief that she will face. I would be a selfish person.
I have prayed for our Bmom everyday since we decided to adopt.. and I can only imagine that will continue for the rest of my life. Maybe it will eventually stop being daily, but I know that it will be forever. Because she will be a part of our lives and our hearts forever, even if we were never to see her again.
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10 comments:
I think that is a perfect analogy. Something wonderful and beautiful comes out of a horrible situation. I hope your birthmother feels your prayers and knows how much her/your child is already loved. You are such a kind person and a wonderful mommy-to-be!
Oh my gosh, that is CREEPY... my MIL *just* made this exact same comparison the other night and I thought it was so appropriate -- a great way to put it in "layman's terms." Are you hiding in my coat closet or something? ;)
Seriously, that is so, so, so true. I have a VERY hard time, especially with being matched now, not thinking of the other side of this. (Which I SHOULD be thinking of it, not saying that's a fault.) And I have a VERY hard time with other people not understanding or respecting that.
You get it. You're gonna be an awesome mom and I hope it happens quickly for you. :)
I think it is good that you are looking at and exploring these emotions -- that is one of the things that really caught me off guard with my adotion is the grief I felt for my daughters bmom -- really it was almost overwhemling for me----- it is a very bittersweet time!
Are you wanting to be in an open adoption?
My husband and I are in the adoption process right now. We are so blessed to be receiving our baby boy in early December!!! during our process we have gone to two adoption seminars.. please keeep in mind that it is very important to use adoption language... it best to say placing her child vs. giving up her child. We learned the value of this when we met bmom, she told us how much she loved her child but she could not raise or parent him!!! Agreat book to read for this valuable information is Launching Baby's Adoption by Pat Johnston (she was the presenter we heard at the seminars)
Gail, I never used the term giving up her baby.. I used the term placing.. I do understand using appropriate terms, but thank you for your post anyway.
I will definitely look into that book, and congrats on your baby!
Sorry... it seems so automatic to me to hear people use the words 'giving up" so losely. Where are you on your adoption process?? It will happpen.. there is a bmom out there who will love your profile and will choose you!!!
Good Luck!!!
Gil-I can't seem to view your blog... maybe you don't have one?
We are in the waiting game. :-) And in the early stages!
Well, Gail, if you wanna be technical... "birthmom" isn't appropriate adoption language either. A pregnant woman making an adoption plan (or thinking about making an adoption plan) is just that -- a pregnant woman. An expectant mom. She can't possibly be a "birthmom" yet when she hasn't even given birth. See what I mean? She's not a "birthmom" (in the sense that we understand it) until she signs TPR, which isn't until after birth. :)
Also, if you REALLY wanna get down to the nitty-gritty... the baby whose mom has chosen you really isn't YOURS at this moment in time. I don't mean that harshly, just as a matter of fact. We are matched as well, but the e-mom's baby is truly ONLY hers right now... she may very well choose to parent when that baby is born, and in that event, the baby will never be "ours." We have no claim on her baby right now, because it's not ours to claim, know what I mean?
Not trying to be snotty, just sayin'. Hope you understand what I mean. :)
What a beautiful comparison.
I think you are so brave for going on this journey. I also think your grateful attitude shows what a great parent you'll be!
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