This is a hard thing to do…and I no doubt will be dealing with it for a long time. But it's something I know I need to do. Let go of my pride.
I have had a lot of pride involved with infertility. I have found myself thinking about how I tried to have a baby for 2+ years and might never get pregnant… surely I must get a medal or something. And now I have to come up with tens of thousands of dollars to bring a child into our home and know that he/she will still have another mother. After all this don't I get something? An award of some sorts?
I am aware that couldn't be more wrong. And in my spirit, I know it… but in my flesh, I want to hold tight to what is "owed to me"....
And when it comes down to it, all I really want is to be a mother, no matter how that happens, and no cost is too great for that. But most importantly I do believe that this was God's plan for our family to begin... I do believe that we're in HIS path. Therefore, I truly have NO RIGHTS to claim for this battle I've fought...
So I'm letting go of the pride I've held. I don't want to have a beautiful child in my arms and still fight bitterness against those with them in their wombs. So I'm letting go.
Pray for me in this process. It's a necessary but hard thing to do... and I'm praying that God will give me the strength to be freed from this bondage.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Letting go of pride....
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6 comments:
ah my friend, you are not alone - I pray this prayer hourly some days
What you're doing is very difficult...I'm praying for strength & peace for you in this process.
I don't feel this as much related to our infertility, but I did feel this way while my husband was overseas. I felt like "EVERYONE should know I am a war bride...EVERYONE should know he's over there & the sacrifices we are making..."
It's STILL hard somedays...and he came home over 2 years ago! I think I felt like "I have been through such a difficult, depressing, mentally & spiritually exhausting time, that I DESERVE something."
I heard something important on the radio the other night..."Sometimes God gives us a present wrapped in a problem." Yes...sometimes we must muddle through the difficult times in life to realize what an amazing blessing He's given us!
Prayers!
Well said! You will have my prayers for the strength to overcome your pride. May I ask the same? It's a human emotion I think we ALL can recognize in ourselves.
admitting is the first step on the road to repentance & healing. By the time you can scale the walls of pride to say "i think i have a problem with pride" that means God is already working on you & He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.
As an adopted child myself, let me say thank you. You are doing one of the least selfish things a person can do and sharing love with someone who really needs it.
You may never be that child’s mother, but you will always be mom, and I would take a mom over a mother any day. Almost anyone can give birth and be a mother, but to truly love a child and be there for them is what it means to be a mom.
Please know that Gods will is not always apparent at first, but always shows itself in due time.
Im feeling a lot of the same pride issues...and you are giving me a good reminder=)
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