Today was a really hard day. First we went to my sisters church to watch our beautiful 1 1/2 year old nephew get dedicated. Things like this are always somewhat hard for me because had we gotten pregnant on our first cycle (which I actually thought I was ...2 weeks late... long story), our child would be one month older than our nephew. So monumental occasions like this sting my heart. And as much as we LOVE (and I mean LOVE) our nephew, it's just hard to know what could have been for us and how far we are from having that.
Then because it's adoption awareness month (nice month to have our adoption fall through ha?) there were families sharing their beautiful adoption stories. I lost it.. during the prayer I got up and left and didn't return. Joey found me sobbing in a corner where he held me until the service was over. Then my family came to find us and I began sobbing... once again.
Adoption is a beautiful thing? Sure... sometimes. And sometimes it's not. We have unfortunately seen the ugly side of adoption... the side where people are dishonest and are willing to hurt trusting people like us... the part where you lose money and have no child to call your own, and have to start over.
So to us, we have lost our naivety about adoption. It doesn't seem beautiful to us anymore. And for that our hearts hurt.
My sister (and whole family for that matter) was wonderful. She convinced me to come back to her house to celebrate with the rest of the family and it turned into a wonderful afternoon. But my heart still aches. We have lost the sense of naivety in ALL of this baby making stuff.
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7 comments:
i am so sorry that all of this is toppling down on your right now. Thinking of you
I'm so sorry! Sounds like it was a VERY hard day. You are in my prayers.
My heart goes out to you. I know it wasn't easy at all to get through that. Please know that many people are thinking about you and are here for you. I know this sucks, that it is hard not to wish it was you, or think of the "what if's". ((hugs))
Rachel...just wanted to say you came to mind today (I so desperately wanted to stop at Caribou on the way to church this morning), and that you and Joey are prayed for every time you're brought to mind....sending you love and hugs from Ohio...
Rachel,
I am so sorry to read what has happened to you guys. My thoughts and prayers are with you. If you want any info on the agency we used in TX feel free to e-mail. We liked our agency for the most part and will probably use them again when we adopt again.
I'm sorry what happened. I am not close to my niece's and nephews (distance wise) so that never happened to me, but everytime I watch a lifetime movie I end up sobbing or see a mother be mean to thier kids....i just wanna say, "do you know how lucky you are"
Oh honey I am so sorry! ((hugs)) IF can definitely rob you of what should be joyful occassions. I wish you the best on this next step of your journey & you are in my prayers!
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