I started replying in the comments and felt it was worth noting in the wide open (I know many people don't read the comments).
First off congrats!!! Second of all, it's hard, I will admit it. A friend who is just a little behind pg wise me asked me (after IF as well) how I seem so sane... apparently I didn't share my fears on my blog much :-) I think I was too scared to put them down in words.
psa: Jason (or any other man reading, this might be TMI) :-)
Also I never told anyone other than Joey or my sister this (sorry mom!) but I wiped one long swipe of blood (not dark but still blood) when I was 7 1/2 weeks pg. 4 days after the u/s and it seemed too far away to be the cause. I was freaked but didn't blog about it because I didn't want to be freaked and I didn't want it to become a big deal. So I called the Dr, they said monitor and come back if it happened again. THANKFULLY it never did. But it's scary! Very scary!
God has been a HUGE factor in removing my fears. I called my wonderful sister one day in tears at about 8 weeks just terrified every day all day long and finding myself praying constantly as in if I didn't pray enough I somehow thought I would lose my baby (which I don't for a second believe is how it works). I knew it was an unhealthy way to be spending my time in prayer, but I didn't know what else to do.
My sister just said "you need to get on your knees and rebuke Satan out loud. EVERY TIME he creeps into your head with these fears rebuke him," It didn't take more than a few hours (if even that) before I felt complete freedom from the fears I was facing every single minute.
It's definitely a lot easier for me now being that I'm in my second trimester and have a Doppler and can hear my baby daily, but I'm still aware of all that can happen.
I just have to remind myself that A. the chances of me losing this baby are so slim. And B. God is in complete control. He brought us through misery after misery of IF and if something terrible happened to my child (or my family) He would continue to carry me on. I truly believe that, as hard as it is to know.
Also I wanted to enjoy this pregnancy. I didn't want Infertility to rule me. And if I allowed it to take over my pregnancy by making me live in fear every day, it would be ruling me. So it's been a very intentional part of my pregnancy. And I must say it's much much MUCH better enjoying your pregnancy than fearing every second of the day!
I don't know if this helps at all, but for me it was an overnight change.. and my sister's advice is the only advice I think worthy of passing on :-)
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8 comments:
Great advice about fear. I had a miscarriage in my first pregnancy, and was depressed and absolutely panicked throughout the first few weeks of my second. It was a terrible feeling, but I had to let that go through prayer and trust in God. It made all the difference.
I didn't comment on the last post, but I agree that you have the right mindset. Also, look for advice from seasoned parents whom you trust, but don't put too much stock in that. For example, my 7mo is a TERRIBLE sleeper. We have tried pretty much everything, and are in the middle of trying to let him cry it out, which is something we said we'd never do (but we're DESPERATE). I have found myself in tears in the middle of the night, thinking "why is my baby a worse sleeper than all of my friends' babies?" This line of thought is only helpful if we are doing something "wrong" and I can make a healthy change based on this thought. But the way that I think about it only makes me feel inadequate. I have to not only pray to give up that thought, but also remember that everyone has different struggles with their kids, and no two kids are exactly alike. So I hope that this rambling and long example makes sense to you. Look for helpful advice, but don't base your self-worth as a parent on what your kid is/is not good at.
I've been reading your blog for awhile....was referred by a friend of mine (one of the nesties). I just want to say how heartwarming this post was for me to read. So many times in our lives, I think, we have to remind ourselves that fear comes from Satan, NOT from God, and we have to consciously make the effort not to let Satan control our thoughts. (I have 3 girls, and I've been encouraging this in them as well, especially when they get frustrated or discouraged).
During my twin pregnancy 4-1/2 years ago, I was desperately afraid that I would lose one of the babies. I can remember lying in bed praying over and over that they would be okay. Finally, I had this feeling of peace, that one of them might be very sick, and life might be anything but easy, but in the end they would both be okay. Throughout my pregnancy God was preparing me to become a mom of a special needs kid. Thankfully now both girls are doing well (God is so faithful), but it wasn't an easy road to get where we are. Just keep reminding yourself that God's plans are always the best plans, and I'll do the same.
Hugs to you, and I send you my heartfelt congratulations! I'm sure you'll be a great mommy to your new little one.
Robin
Isn't it amazing to have friends and family that believe in the Lord and help to encourage you! Such a blessing! I'm struggling with unexplained infertility and I have been folowing your blog for a while now, you and your faith in God are truely an inspiration to me! Congradulations on your pregnancy! And please keep me in your prayers...if we believe, prayer can move mountains!!
Sometimes prayer isn't enough: Sometimes we do need to give it to God and then directly address Satan and tell him to leave us alone!
I know that several times a week something will continually irk me, I will lift my prayers to God, but will follow it immediately with "Satan, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus Christ!" Sometimes saying it several times over.
Thank you so much Rachel for your wonderful response. I lost a dear friend of mine at the age of 21 to an unexpected pulmonary embolism a few years ago and it was just that recently that I turned to God. Thus, I still struggle with realizing how much I need to put my faith in Him and know I can't control things (and worrying wont help!) I also like the comment about Satan. In my "discovering" I forgot that rebuking him is an important part...and not just the constant prayer that you talked about (and I am currently doing!) Again many thanks for your strength and advice.
I have been through two pregnancy losses and I have always had in the back of my mind.... if I had just prayed more, would have it all been ok?
After reading what you wrote about how it is unhealthy prayer and your sister told you to rebuke satan over and over, that is what I plan on doing anytime I feel fearful again...
I constantly worry that we will never have a baby, that I won't get pregnant again, that I will get pregnant and lose another baby, ect... Your blog has given me much inspiration and hope...
PS... I was wondering if you could ask everyone to pray for christian music singer Steven Curtis Chapman? His 5 year old daughter was killed Wednesday after being hit by a car driven by her older brother. This family needs all the prayers they can get and your blog is widely read... Here is a link to a memorial for Maria Chapman...
http://chapmanchannel.typepad.com/inmemoryofmaria/
Rachel, I'm continually amazed at not only your wisdom but also all your blogger friends' wisdom and being able to put into words all of your feelings to share and help one another. Thank you, Lord, for blogging and how it can help so many young gals (even old ones!) It was so much fun to visit with you, your mom, and aunts yesterday. I guess we all had good "belly" laughs with a fun visit. Love, Grandma
I just wanted to say that when I was 7 1/2 weeks pregnant I had one wipe of spotting, it was scary and I prayed and prayed for 48 straight until my DRs appt that everything would be fine.
I have heard from others they spotted at the exact same week (7), weird huh?
I so hope that I will be able to not let IF rule my pregnancy, you seem so excited and there are so many people around you that are excited for you!
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