Just like when you're planning a wedding it can be so easy to get wrapped up in the details of the actual day that you forget to prepare to become a wife, which is a lifetime commitment. I was warned against this early in our engagement and spent a lot of time praying and asking God to prepare me for the journey we were about to embark on.
Now I'm doing the same with becoming a mom. I only have 5+ months to get ready and I know that's not enough time! :-) But I've started praying that God would really change my heart and change my attitude so that when it comes time for that little one to come into our lives, I'm 100% ready to embrace all that it requires.
I am aware of how much I love my selfish time, how much I love my sleep, and my lazy schedule. And I know that having a baby will throw a wrench in all that... and I want to love it! I don't want to resent ever, so I'm preparing now! (again not that 5+months will give me all the time for it to be perfect, but it's a start!)
So moms, any advice you can give me? Any ways you prepared to become a mom that you want to share with me?
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15 comments:
oh don't even worry about the sleep thing. by the last trimester you won't be getting any so its as if your body is preparing you for all the sleepless nights.
Everyone told me to nap when the baby napped. Me never being a napper would bust my butt to clean and get organized.... NAP WHEN YOU CAN... you will have plenty of time to clean house later.... Besides trying to clean house while you have children is like trying to shovel the snow from the sidewalk while its still snowing.. IT'S POINTLESS...
There truly is no way to prepare. No book or advice or class can fully equip you. You just have to live it to learn it. And I can guarantee that your "selfish time" will not matter when your baby is here. You won't care nearly as much as you think about lost sleep, lost privacy, any of it. Your baby is going to change your life in ways that nobody can explain with words. It's a miracle, and the most beautiful thing you'll experience! I promise!
The best advice I can give is to absolutely savor every moment that you "get ready" for baby. Take pictures, journal about it, talk to baby about it, and do things together as a couple. I still pull out the pictures of when I was painting my oldest son's first nursery and cry remembering how much time and energy and thought I put into it for him. And he is 5 now and will look at these pictures with me and say how awsome his room was, and how that was his favorite room ever(like he really remembers!) But boy, he sure feels special when we talk about it. <3
Sleep (I know so many tell you that), enjoy your bump (at times I miss mine), and go on as many dates as you can with Joey. You have a wonderfully strong marriage and a great DH! Though you did struggle with getting pregnant, it has drawn you so much closer as a couple! I'm so excited to see the little person that God is knitting together in your belly! Motherhood is not easy, but it's fun. Get ready for more laughs and memories because kids are a riot and worth it, even if you haven't slept a full night months. Blessings on your pregnancy. Labor Day will be here soon enough. :)
Oddly enough,Bryn sleeps more than me! But even when I have to get up with her at 5am, yes it's hard to wake up, but then I get SO excited that I get to feed her. I am SO not a morning person either. You just get into a mode on your own. No one teaches it to you, it's pretty crazy.Especially now that she recognizes everyone and gives you a genuine "good morning" smile.
First Rachel...your attitude is the first and formost in my book, and you're in the right place. You are willing to admit where you might have to change...and it sounds like your expectations are going in that direction also. Second...is your expectations. I am still learning, 4 children later, that I set unrealistic expectations for me and my life. If you learn early to set expectations that you can easily meet than you will save yourself a lot of time spent sulking, exhausted and dissapointed.
Congratulations again Rachel...this journey is amazing and I cannot wait for you to experience it all. And btw...you look amazing with your little "buddha belly (one of my many nicknames for cute preggo people)"...
I have a question for you actually. I have PCOS and Endometriosis and struggled with the fact I may have trouble getting pregnant. Fortunately, after minimal tx and just before (literally) major tx I became pg. My question is, now I struggle with enjoying being pg versus constantly worrying this wont end in a happy healthy baby (e.g., incompetent cervix, trisomy 18 in which the baby doesn't live past a year...etc.) I see your struggles and how excited you are and enjoying your pregnancy and I want the same. How do you do it? (I found your blog on the nest baby by the way.)
I would say you can't really prepare for the baby. Yes, you can buy the furniture, clothes, all of the essentials, but that doesn't come close to preparing you.
Like you I loved my free selfish time. I could lay around and read a book or watch tv or just do nothing. Now, I haven't read a book since we got Ben or watched much tv. Now, my life is filled with running after my nearly 1 year old, feeding him, reading to him, discovering all sorts of new things with him. I don't have any free time, and I love it.
Hold your baby as much as possible no matter who tells you that you're going to spoil him/her. The time goes so fast!!
As for sleep, the first 2 months are pretty hard. I napped in the afternoon nearly every day and I never take naps. Thankfully Ben was a very good sleeper and didn't have colic. Don't be afraid to ask for help and let others help you.
You'll see your DH in a whole new light. When I look at my husband playing with our son, I love him even more!!
Good luck to you!!
First, you can never be truly prepared...so don't worry so much and trust in God. Secondly, as long as you have all the love in the world for your child, the rest comes along with it. Like waking up with baby at 3 am with no sleep, but as soon as you see them look at you, it's ok. Love also prepares you for when your 1 year old daughter pukes in your cupped hands in Target, and you stand there thinking,"I signed up for this?" As she's got this huge smile and glittery eyes staring up at you, it all melts away.
don't buy a lot. Half the stuff is useless. I know that is cliche, but you don't know how useless half the stuff is.
Buy more then one bed sheet. YOur child will wet it constantly.
Buy a good sling. YOu'll enjoy your baby being so close.
Spend as much as baby-mommy-daddy time after the birth as possible.
gosh how long have we got??
Being pregnant is the easy part, they are easy to get in and out of the car, they are quiet...so when you are really big and feeling frustrated just take a deep breath and STOP and savour it.
You will miss, desperately, the kicking and rolling going on inside you.
Don't count up the hours of sleep you get/don't get. Just restart each day and try to remember that you will probably not feel fully rested again for a long time, but so what?
From the beginning, if you are going to breastfeed, try to express milk so the baby will learn to take a bottle. This is essential later when you want to leave bub with someone...Nothing worse than eager babysitter calling you frantically because bub won't take a bottle.
I think you HAVE to schedule in time (when it's appropriate-and you'll know) to just be you...It doesn't take long until you may feel you are getting a little lost. Its for mental health as well as a little pampering, I'm not saying weekend at a spa, just a walk on your own or a whole cup of coffee where you are NOT the one repsonsible for your child. Brain space...
on and on and on :)
Your words ring so true with me as that is how felt when I was pregnant too. I quit my job at 4 months pregnant so I could spend more time getting ready (although you can never be fully ready!!)... wow what a shocker it was when I was ushered into motherhood quite quickly after an unexpected quick semi-emergency c-section!! But you know what, you'll be fine. I loved my selfish time too before I had a baby. But you get used to it after a while, and I think as long as you focus on the fact that the time will be over so quickly and before you know it you'll be the mom of a teenager - that helps me keep things in focus. Instead of complaining, I try to cherish every moment. And yeah there are times when you might get frustrated and think you can't go on anymore (still happens to me and I've got an 18 month old! Just ONE! How do moms of more then 1 do it I wonder??) but you LOVE it all the same!! I'm so excited for you to experience this, it really is an amazing thing. To be so challenged, but to love it so much at the same time.
Oh, and truly, the best advice I can give for preparing for motherhood is read "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems" by Tracey Hogg. I read DOZENS of baby books in my pregnancy (except this one of course, tried to do my best reading this between soothing a screaming newborn!! lol) and this is the ONE book that helped me way more than any other. It helps especially with sleep issues and helps you understand how babies learn to sleep and how to understand their cues so you know if they need more sleep/less sleep, how often, how long, how to help them get to sleep, etc. right until toddlerhood. If you start with her suggestions from day 1 you will NOT regret it! :) I know so many people who did this from day 1 and their babies slept through the night very early on. My son didn't sleep more then 4 hours at a time for the first YEAR!!! That's right, I kept hoping for that "sleep through the night by 3 months" thing but I think that's a myth honestly, lol. After following the books recommendations he now sleeps like a dream. It only took about a week for him to adjust, it was amazing. (And NO "crying it out" involved) At 18 months he takes 3.5 hour naps in the afternoon and sleeps 13-14 hours straight through at night with a 7:00pm bedtime.
So many great words before me (I love the Baby Whisperer too, although I sometimes ignored the advice and don't regret it!); I don't have much to add, except I also loved my "me" time; i am now a full-time mom and don't miss that time at all. Nothing can prepare you for that baby, not truly. Nothing can prepare you for the emotion, the crying at little things, the laughing, the wonder at each little flutter of the eyelashes, or transparency of the tiniest of fingernails. I am so excited for you, and personally can't wait to have another!
Keep up your blog when that baby gets here--I started one for mine, and I am so glad I did!
Wow - I just read through the comments with pen in hand! I'm also a TTTCer and have seen your posts on the nest. This is the first time I've visited your blog and I've really enjoyed.
Thanks for being so open about your struggles, your life, your relationship with God, etc. I truly appreciate your candor. I'm currently in the 2WW myself with my beta scheduled for Friday 13th - which I hope to turn into a very lucky day! Thanks again - I'll visit often!
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