Okay, before we did our IUI we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. And honestly, I HATED it! I hated that there was no concrete reason we weren't getting pregnant because it made knowing which route of treatment to go a lot more vague... But the day I got the call about Joey's sperm, I felt complete and utter relief. There was a reason we weren't pregnant yet and we knew exactly what we'd have to do to get there. Many feel frustrated that IVF is there only option. I guess in many ways I feel relief.
I felt like I was freed from the prison I was in which entailed getting my hopes up every month that it would be the month, only to be devastated when AF came... Or thinking I'd be right behind someone each time they'd get pregnant. And even though it sucks that I probably won't get pregnant any months (without help) or that I'm certainly NOT right behind those who've gotten pg (and now have gone on to have their babies). But at least I can stop hoping.
And don't get me wrong, I haven't lost hope at all! In fact I think I have more hope. Because I know what the problem is, we know how to deal with it and hopefully we'll get pregnant. It's really become that simple.
Before the MFI diagnosis it was misery every month.. and the threatened loss of hope every month. Whereas now I feel we can go on living our lives assuming we won't get pregnant and knowing that IVF will give us a great chance of success.
Does it suck it's taken us this long to get here? Absolutely. Do I wish we weren't infertile? Of course. Is it completely unfair we have to spend $25k to get pregnant when most people do it for free? Sure.
But that's not the point. I have a great sense of freedom that I don't have to get my hopes up every month, because we know it's probably not worth it.
And for that, I am grateful we found out we have MFI. Because I feel like we can continue living ours lives, and being infertile is just apart of who we are, like air.
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5 comments:
It sounds like you have a sense of peace within you now that things are becoming more clear and that there are reasons behind why you aren't getting pg. Josh and I will keep praying for you guys.
I don't have a sense of WHY we're not getting pregnant.. as far as what's the purpose in US going through this. But I know why physically our bodies aren't producing a child.. and that helps me to let go some.
Your attitude is great right now!
I'll keep you in my prayers that this is successful right away!
I totally understand what you mean. When we were going through all the infertility stuff, I would wish they would find something wrong so at least I would know why it wasn't happening. I have unexplained infertilty. We did one IVF and then moved to adoption.
I wish you the best of luck on your IVF path!
I totally get it. Being unexplained myself.....it is totally frustrating, because you don't know where to find hope. With a diagnosis you at least feel more control in that you can make more informed decisions and see a light. DARN UNEXPLAINED!!
I am so excited for you and Joey and your new IVF pla!! Drink a Smores Mocha for me at Caribou...and a white chocolate blackberry scone.
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