I cried more last night and this morning than I knew was possible. And I'm praying it's done for the day. I showered, got dressed up, put jewelry on, painted my toenails and feel great about myself today.
We are going to spend the day together and stay in a BEAUTIFUL bed and breakfast tonight and tomorrow, and pamper ourselves.
I am hoping this weekend can be about us, and not what we lost. I need no reminders, so we'll most likely turn our phones off and won't be bringing a computer.
In case you're feeling a lack of details, here they are. It's really quite simple. 'A' can't go through with it. She cannot lose her daughter. And her mom has come to the conclusion that even if she got the courage to sign, she'd regret it a moment later. So it's over.
As angry and upset as I feel for us, I also feel very happy for 'A'. Happy that she can just move on with her life and start loving her daughter without question or judgement. That she can know they will be together forever. But I also am sad for what their lives might become.
Raising a daughter at 16 will NOT be easy. And I pray that 'A' becomes the kind of mom that puts her daughter first. I hope she NEVER forgets that her
daughter could have had a better life ('A's words.. not ours), so she chooses to never give her less than her best as a mom.
I know you will continue to pray for 'A', and thank you for that. I have to admit I'm very sad for losing them. I have felt such love for her, her mother, and of course the baby. And I am sad that they won't become part of our family. I think when we get back we will write a letter to 'A' and send her some things. Maybe some of the things we had bought for her,
maybe some of the things I bought for us (and our "daughter") or maybe some other things all together.
I hope she can see that even though we are wounded, we truly care for her.
Please know I think we will be okay this weekend. We are postponing the grieving and hopefully it will make it easier when we return to it, to have removed ourself from our house and sweats and bed, to get out of the house and spend some selfish time.
Thank you for everything.
13 comments:
you have as much of a great trip as you can possible have! thinking of you
Have a great weekend and enjoy your time away together. You two deserve a break, that much is certain!
Enjoy your weekend together, you deserve every moment of happiness!
Thinking of you during this heartache and loss....
I do not know your pain, but I do know grief...for me, God has shown me that sometimes it can just wait! Have a superb weekend!
Rachel I just wanted to say I've been following your updates and I'm so heartbroken for you, Joey, A....the whole situation. (((hugs))) wish I could help offer you some comfort...just know that Dan and I are keeping you all in our prayers and thoughts. I really hope you can try and take your mind of things somewhat this weekend and just enjoy some time together away from everything. THinking of you.....
Rachel I just wanted to say I've been following your updates and I'm so heartbroken for you, Joey, A....the whole situation. (((hugs))) wish I could help offer you some comfort...just know that Dan and I are keeping you all in our prayers and thoughts. I really hope you can try and take your mind of things somewhat this weekend and just enjoy some time together away from everything. THinking of you.....
I have been praying for you all day. I think about you everyday and say a prayer. A prayer of hope and peace, that our dear Lord will wrap you in His loving arms and show He cares, because He does. Like I said before, I know this is not the end of your story, I believe that now you can close this chapter of your life and begin a chapter of faith, love, and hope in your journey with IVF. Please know you have a band of prayer warriors on your side...
With much love and blessings, Mindy
I just wanted to say that your strength and faith is so inspirational. Although, I don't know you (I am a fellow nestie), I have been thinking of you guys all week. Blessings on you and your husband.
Have a great weekend Rachel. You two deserve some much needed time away... rest, relax and recoup.
Take care!
so glad you're getting away, that's such a great idea! i'm so sorry for your loss.
I keep following and praying for your family as you continue this journey. I hope your weekend away allows for some much needed escape and healing.
I am so moved by the grace and strength that you've shown through an immensely difficult situation. I'm praying for you both that you'll be parents soon, and I know that your children will be blessed to have such caring and compassionate people to love them and raise them in wisdom and the love of the Lord.
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