Presenting...

a new blog about fertility vs infertility (my sister vs me - we are writing it together).

So, please visit us at our new place and if you or anyone you know falls into either of these categories...please send them our way!!

Where did Maydaygirl go?

I have created a private blog, but due to my high volume of readers had to move it to another site that would allow for more private viewers.

PLEASE feel free to email me and ask for an invite! I WANT people to keep reading, I just want a bit more control! Rachel32004@msn.com.

I would love to see you "over there" but if not, I understand!

(PS if you think you should have access because you sent me an invite request, I've been through them all so if you don't have access, shoot me an email!)

Phew.. invites out!

I started working on the invites and just leaving the emails unread that hadn't signed up wordpress accounts. Tonight I finished going through every single email.

There are still 278 emails unread which means those people haven't created their wordpress account.

But if you DID create one, you SHOULD have access to my blog! You won't get an email just log in:

maydaygirl.wordpress.com

If you didn't create one, you still have till Friday (July 4th). However I'll be *hopefully* finding out the sex of the baby next week and posting it on my private blog (just to be mean! haha...)

So that's it! Check and see if you have access!

My sweet protector.

So, I cry in my sleep. Not every night, but several times a month I wake up (or don't) sobbing from a dream I've had. I've been like this since I was a little girl and it didn't take long being married for Joey to discover this (I guess I should have warned him). Usually sitting up, turning on a lamp and talking to someone makes me feel better. Which he quickly learned.

Well last night I was suddenly awakened by my second braxton hicks (scary!) and I couldn't sleep for a while after that. Having just watched "ps. I love you" I felt the need to be much closer to him. So I snuggled in and began sniffing (me pg = constant congestion). Well he quickly sat up (in the dark) and started touching my face, specifically my eyes. It was so sweet, he was checking to see if I had tears. As soon as he realized my eyes were dry he slumped back down and went to sleep.

I stayed up for at least another hour after that, and I just marveled at my sweet, adoring husband. Who would wake up from his hard sleep (worked 14 hours yesterday) just to make sure I didn't need him.

I sure love this man.

ps the movie "ps I love you" is SOOOO good! but don't watch it alone. I watched it with Joey and bawled all the way through it!

Yay my sports bra fits! Oh WAIT!!!

So I put on a sports bra yesterday to go biking that I haven't worn in a few months. I was so pleased to see it fit!

Then I walked by the mirror and realized AT LEAST an inch of my boobies were hanging out of the bottom!

Joey was laughing so hard.

STUPID GIANT BOOBS!

19 weeks.

I felt it was time Joey made it in a pic! This was us this weekend.


Please excuse the lack of make up.


Wow. Almost half way! I still feel great and the heat hasn't gotten to me too bad yet, so that's good!

My exciting thing for the week is that I can feel my uterus when I'm laying down! I'm sure this doesn't seem exciting to anyone but us but this whole time I can feel/see my bump when I'm standing but when I lay down it goes away (well it doesn't leave but it falls back into.. lala land?) but now it's hard and firm and we can see it/feel it! Joey was totally in awe last night. I guess it just makes it all feel more real!

Apparently by 20w the average uterus is the size of a soccer ball.. holy cow! That's big, especially for only half way!

Also Joey and I have been getting so good at taking walks regularly, and last night we headed out for a bike ride. I must say it wasn't that enjoyable, I think my butt is getting bigger because dang that seat was KILLING me! But we went about five miles and it felt good.

And I'm being proactive and I've started lifting weights with my arms again. The one part of my body I can't seem to hide and hate....but I know I can get them back in shape right? My sister always has toned sexy arms and I'm always so jealous, but here I am doing something about it :-)

Other than that, not much is new. Obviously I'm getting excited for next week. Hoping everything will be okay with the baby and that we'll get a shot so we can know the sex :-)

Help with names?

If you want to, throw out boy and girl names! We really prefer more unique than traditional but we'll hear anything!

ps don't throw out ones you wouldn't want me to use! (ie "your names".. if we know eachother IRL).

Meeting a reader!

This weekend I had the pleasure of meeting one of my readers! It's the strangest story. This girl, N, found my blog (not even sure how) and began reading it. Well her and her friend, A, started talking about TTC and what if they had problems and A told N about her friend who blogs (insert maydaygirl here). Turns out N was already reading and couldn't believe A was a very good friend of mine! So these two friends had been reading and not even knowing each other was as well!

So the two of them came to Chicago with their youth group (and husbands!) and invited Joey and I out to eat with them. It was so great to meet her and to see my wonderful wonderful friend A again!

Thanks for the great time and A and T- thanks again for dinner :-) You really didn't have to treat!

Reminder, if you want to keep reading my blog

You have one week to set up a wordpress account (instructions here) so you can receive an invite. If you don't have one set up wordpress will not let me invite you.

Thanks!

What's so amazing about Grace?

I'm not actually talking about the book, though I did start reading it a few years ago and have always wanted to finish it, but I like the title.

I've been thinking about grace a lot lately and it's something I've been praying for a lot more in my life.

I do not have a lot of grace (or patience, or tolerance, or compassion, just to name a few of my good qualities!).

Seriously these are areas that I lack in and am ALWAYS trying to work on. The three I named later more so than grace, but now I'm starting to realize that it all starts with grace.

What is grace? The Websters dictionary defines it as "unmerited divine assistance".

Unmerited.

It's a time that God or others shows us kindness, compassion, or forgiveness in a time when we don't deserve it.

And sadly I admit to not having a lot of this. Very sad.

But as I've been praying about this and asking God to help me grow in this area, I've been reliving many times I've been shown grace through my life. There are countless times, starting with my parents who showed me grace many times as a child, teenager, and even a growing adult when I didn't certainly didn't deserve it.

And then through dealing with IF. Oy. So many times. So many people.

My cousin Mary was the first person close to me to become pregnant after we outed our IF struggles. Literally I got the call just days after I asked my close family members to start praying for us. It was hard. Really hard. I wanted to deal with the situation well, but my flesh stepped in. And I prayed hard through the process but I know I wounded her and had to go back later and ask for forgiveness. I couldn't be happy for her when I should have. Period.

How did my cousin respond? She started reading books about IF at work when she was slow. She would email me or IM me and tell me about a part that made her weep and how sad she was for me through this process. Every time I would get enough courage to ask her questions about her pregnancy, she would briefly answer the questions and get right back to me and how I was doing.

That's Grace. I didn't deserve it. Not one bit.

My sister. My sister got pg with her third child the month after we started trying (the first month I thought I was pg- period 2 weeks late! but wasn't and was extremely sad and felt all the more desperate to get pg). She then went on to have her baby and was able to get pg again in the time we were trying. It wasn't a pretty time in my life. Through this process, it was rock bottom.

Sad isn't it? My sister being pregnant (with my beautiful nephew who I love and adore) was my rock bottom.

My blog entry about it wasn't pretty. And my reaction was even worse. She told me in person and I left my house went out in the garage and sobbed and sobbed and finally told Joey I needed her to leave. I still loved my sister whole heartedly, but I was aching at the very core. And for the first time I was angry at God for allowing me to be going through this process.

My sister left me alone for a few days, which I now know were agonizing for her, to let me process it.

Only a few days later God showed me grace by allowing me to heal seemingly overnight. I didn't deserve it, my behavior and selfishness were inexcusable, if I were Him, I would have walked away from me! (I guess it's best I stick to not being God ha?) But He is beautiful and loving and wants nothing but the best for me. So He carried me (very quickly) through it.

Then he allowed my sister to show me grace. She was so wonderful and accepting an GRACIOUS of me when I could finally come back to her and seek her forgiveness, tell her I loved her, and that I was happy for her.

I know in her flesh she struggled greatly with this process. That I couldn't be happy for her and I could allow something so exciting for her to sink to me to an all time low, how horrible to be on her end of that. And how unfair.

And yet she showed me grace.

Because of Melissa's grace, it was merely a bump in the road for us.

Amazingly hitting rock bottom was good for me, because then we started moving up!

But as I've been thinking about some of these times (and many others) where I was shown grace, I have to ask myself if I would have been as wonderful on their side of it as they were to me.

I think the answer is probably no. So I guess it's best I was the one dealing with IF huh? :-)

I 100% want that to change. With everything I am I want to please God, I want to shed my pride and I want to show others grace. It's a slow process, but we're working on it, and I think the first step is recognizing how many ways others have served me by showing me grace, when I really just deserved a swift kick in the rear :-).

To those mentioned in this entry, and those not (but know that you're in this category!), THANK YOU. Thank you for putting up with me so graciously through this process. For being my support and praying for me constantly. ESPECIALLY when I didn't deserve it.

I strive to be like you and I know it's God's hope for me to get there! One day I will.