We WILL know tomorrow.

All the waiting will finally come to an end. 'A' will be discharged from the hospital sometime tomorrow and she will NOT bring the baby home with her (her words not mine). So either us or the estranged family member will be bringing the baby home.

Please pray for her as she must relinquish her baby. Please pray for us that we are at peace with whatever she decides. Please pray for the family member that if she chooses us they will not be hurt (we found out the offer to parent the baby was sort of a half offer... so hopefully there wouldn't be hard feelings.)

Good night.

I need to ask: How are you all doing?

I really feel like all of you, my friends, my family, my random internet friends need a little support right now :-) Everyone seems to feel a little insane about this situation. And since Joey and I still feel so peaceful about it, maybe we can help :-)

I can't believe the amount of support we've had pouring in from every direction.. but everyone I talk to seems to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown.. lol.. even my mom said she had a mini breakdown yesterday.

But we ARE doing ok. Yesterday not hearing anything was really hard. But we kept trusting and we heard this morning.

And we hope you're doing okay too!

update.

Okay so our case worker did email us yesterday but it somehow got replied to another person working on the case so we never got it as it went to her! She felt terrible when she realized we never got an update.

To this point nothing has been decided but it sounds like A doesn't want to parent. But a family member that they don't have a great relationship with has offered to parent. The gramma says no but the bmom, A, is considering.

So that's where we're at. Of course we understand if she chooses family over us, but it sounds like that might not be the best choice for the baby or A. So we'll see.

Started Lupron this morning.

Lurpon is the first injection in our IVF protocol. It starts today and goes for the next few weeks (later we add in more injections)

We decided to start it and go along with the schedule since we have absolutely no clue what's happening with the adoption and we don't want to delay IVF. And since Lupron is an ovulation suppressor.. it's not going to hurt to be on it.

It was actually good to start it as it has taken our mind a little bit off of the adoption and moved towards IVF.

So that's where we're at. We never heard from the case worker last night so we're REALLY hoping she decides to call this morning and update us.

About the calmness... it's not me!

I think it would be blasphemous (I'm pretty sure that applies to this situation) if I didn't give credit to where credit was due.

For those of you who know me... you know this person is not me. I have been known to be a control freak, bossy and the person who just makes what I want happen. This insane amount of calmness I feel, it's straight from God. I feel as though I have been completely transformed from who I was two years ago. He has just made over my heart, my attitude and who I am.

Yesterday as I was in the midst of the anxiety, I sat down and started reading my bible. My heart was completely calm and I heard God speaking to me through the scripture I was reading.

THIS IS NOT ME. It's God. He has given me this strength and I can't claim it for my own. If I did, I fear he'd allow me to crumble back into the old Rachel... and trust me NO ONE wants that :-)

So just had to clear that up!

Benedryl only works so well...

So imagine this, last night I couldn't sleep! I was out of my mind exhausted and my body wouldn't let me get there. But the worst part was I was so tired I was nauseous. I kept running to the bathroom... All beacuse I was exhausted (motherhood is going to be a rude awakening isn't it?!).

So finally at almost 1am I took a benedryl. It knocked me out and I slept great. But now here I am at 6:30 am wide awake :-( I should have taken two!

Joey on the other hand has been snoring solidly since 11pm and no doubt will sleep a few more hours. I'm so jealous!

But it's a new day with a new light (when the sun finally gets up with me!) and we're praying extra hard for A today.

UPDATE!

We spoke to the case worker for half an hour and although no decision has been made the other couple has decided this isn't a right fit for them. So it's between us and 'A' choosing to parent.

A blogger friend of mine D adopted a baby girl about a month ago and was so okay up to the day her baby was born about their b-mom changing her mind. She even put together a bag of baby stuff in case she chose to parent. I honestly thought she was crazy (no offense D!) but now I get it.. I really get it. There's a girl and her BABY involved. Weather she's fit to parent or not, she loves this child and that won't change. So if she chooses to parent, we will be sad yes. But we will understand. Because this isn't our child.. it's hers.

We are in a good place. God is in control and He is in the center. We know HE will take care of us, A and her baby. No matter what happens.

So I will update you more tomorrow!

Oh and I should mention they haven't said that they are considering not placing.. we're just being realistic knowing that's still an option.

I think we're going to bed now.

I cannot imagine that we'll be hearing anything tonight. So we're going to put a movie in and hopefully get some sleep. I'll post as soon as we hear.

oh the support....

My mom said her phone is ringing and texting off the hook. We have certainly exceeded our what use to seem unending texting privelages. And we're 1 week into our phone bill and are ALMOST to the max .

And now I get this from a friend on the nest:

"DH and I are refreshing between the nest and the blog, we can't seem to stop, just waiting for you to post.... well, ANYTHING!!!!I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe how you must be feeling. I can't believe that you're still CONSCIOUS!!!!!

I have a hunch that she's somewhere in our state. I have this urge to start driving past hospitals screaming "If you're not ready to parent, Choose Rachel and Joey!!!!! They're awesome!!!"

Oh my it's SOOO wonderful to have so many people sitting on pins and needles for us. All for this one little baby! If she ends up in our arms... what a story she will have... so many people making such a fuss for one tiny little baby girl!

Willing my phone to ring!!!!!!

When in the world is it going to ring? When are we going to hear? When will the craziness be over!!!

And ps... please know that just because we're dying of anticipation does not by any means mean that we're not praying so much for A and this decision. We cannot even imagine the decision she is facing and the delivery that came so unexpectedly. And we're fully aware she might be deciding to parent, and if that's the case, we 100% support that decision. She is a good girl and has a strong relationship with her mother, they would make it work and this baby would be so loved, NO DOUBT.

but until we hear, please feel free to vote on my new poll :-)

She had the baby!!!

A went into labor last night and had the baby girl. They still haven't made a decision.. but most likely will be tonight. They don't want the baby to go into foster care.

Will update later.

Is our devotional prophetic? I hope not!

Our devotional book we read every day has been interesting this last week to say the least.

The day after we learned of A, we read about adoption. I kid you not.

Then they had a 2 part series on "A clash of wills" meaning when our will clashes against God. Okay....

We decided last night to look up ahead to today.... "the best of times and the worst of times"

We read through it this morning and it was talking about leaning on God even when things don't go our way.

Oy.

A weekend with Tuck Tuck

So the weekend my sister had Trigg, we got to take tucker (18 months) home with us. We had him from Saturday to Monday. It was heaven. We were NOT ready to give him back and Joey still can't figure out why Melissa and Bill need him when they just had another kid! (what a dope!). I didn't take very many pictures from the time cuz I just wanted to enjoy him.. but I did get a few of course!

Wondering where his razor is.....



Tuck trying to go potty before his bath (it's what his older brother does. But it's so cute cuz his penis doesn't even come close to reaching the toilet! He doesn't seem to notice)


Yes... that is a dog treat. Sorry miss but it was too cute to NOT take a pic of! (not that you even care! lol...)


So cute... he's trying to share.

Do you think joey likes it?

My new hair color.

So I know everyone wants to see my hair (as there's nothing more important to discuss on this blog right?) Well here it is. There's more blonde in it than it looks in the pics, but it's definitely not a drastic blonde, more like a light brown with highlights. It was a good place to start. I might go lighter next time, or even darker. But I am happy with it.

My dog... has issues.

My dog is scared of EVERYTHING. There is nothing in this world he is not scared of. He loves four people: Me, Joey, My mom and My dad. I'm pretty sure that's it. (and he does very well with the kids.. but love? that's pushing it) He was even on anti-anxiety medications for a while. Sadly it didn't help.

He spends most of his day in the bath tub. I kid you not. The first thing he does when we come home from somewhere else is run upstairs to the bathtub. We think it gives him a sense of security. Why? I don't know.

Well tonight, he has found a new home sweet home. Obviously we put him in there.. but he wanted back in as soon as we took him out. Sad? Yes.

This is hard.

Surprisingly right now I'm doing okay. But this has been the most draining few days of my life, I swear!!! We will find out tomorrow if the birth mother has chosen us. We have a 50/50 chance. And yet somehow those odds don't seem good. But there's still a HUGE chance we will be chosen right? So why does 50% not seem good?

I know it's 50% because A has had a hard time choosing between us couples because apparently we're both equal in her mind.

But it's hard! What if she doesn't chose us? Will we feel rejected? Not good enough? Or will we just remember God has a plan for us and this baby must not have been in it?

I can't predict how I will feel tomorrow when we get the call. I just hope that I don't disappoint God. And I hope the call comes early!

Our Crazy world.....

Are you ready for this post? Seriously take a hold of your seat cuz this gets crazy. Last week we got an email from Debbie who now is working at a pregnancy crisis center. (used to run our agency, and still owes us money). She asked if she could show our profile to a Bmom who might be interested in us, and then sending us to another agency (the one that took over all her cases when the agency fell apart... the investigator said they were a very reputible agency). I said sure. And thought nothing of it.

So Tuesday we got a call that we have been chosen to parent a baby!! We spoke with the bmom and grandma that night for quite a while and they said they'd be making a decision soon. Found out the next day Debbie had jumped the gun in telling us we were chosen and she hadn't yet but it was between us and another couple. She's due 2/21 so yes.. that's 14 days from now!!!!

The initial excitment of thinking we'd been chosen was then shattered by disapointment of knowing we hadn't, but we're praying very hard that the RIGHT decision is made... weather that includes us or not.

We know that A the bmom, is having a hard time chosing between us and the other couple. We of course are very hopeful it would be us, but we have to remember that the other couple is dealing with all this junk too and would of course deserve this baby girl as well.

Be praying for us... if this works out we would forgo IVF until a later time and bring home this baby girl to be ours!! And if it doesn't we will start IVF officially on Sunday and hope to not be too hurt from the rejection.

Trigg is here

My sister gave birth on Saturday at 12:20 am to Trigg Favre. He is perfect and beautiful! I filmed the whole thing and threw together a very short video (under 4 minutes)... it's pretty fun if you want to watch!

Trigg

Did you vote twice?

I can't even believe that there are over 100 votes on my poll! I have to ask, did some of you vote more than once? Joey confessed he hadn't voted yet so I told him I could do it while I was on the internet and he said "give me five blondes please" lol... so I got to thinkin.. maybe some of you did the same!

Ps I only allowed him 1 blonde :-)

A night with the kiddos.

Okay so as a welcome home to ourselves we decided to enjoy a nice overnight with our neice and 4 nephews. They are 18 months, 18 months, 3, 4 and 5. It was fun to say the least! :-)

My house before they arrived.

After. I'd love to say this was many many hours later.. but it wasn't.

Me and my Tucker man.

All the kids... lovely? Not exactly flattering. But they were having fun.

Three little monkeys jumping on the bed....

thankfully NONE fell off and bumped their head :-)

Yay for breakfast.

no he's not saying "talk to the hand" lol.

Ella and Oran always hugging

Sweet baby boys. They are 2 weeks apart.

Me and my Jackie Man.

Do you think he wants to be a daddy? We'd steal them if we could!

Hog Pile on Uncle Joey! (yes we all crashed)